Long courted by elements of the CFCL since the disintegration of the now defunct Nick’s Picts franchise, Hansen has relented to the demands of this baseball-starved region and applied for membership in the Midwest’s premier fantasy baseball league. “I know the Picts were the very model of striving toward mediocrity,” Hansen continued, “but inheriting a pre-built franchise should afford us a firm place in the middle of the pack next season. We look forward to providing the bar by which all other franchises can measure failure in seasons to come.”

All of this assumes, of course, ratification of the application for membership. While sources say the acceptance is a foregone conclusion, no one was willing to put that on the record.

Hansen made the announcement sporting the new uniforms for the franchise. “Nick’s Picts exemplified Tartan Pride, but those colors should remain retired. Heck, I should probably remain retired. Still, today we embark on a new path, with a new team, and a renewed relationship with our sponsor, Eukennott Sausages. I think speak on behalf of all NL-style baseball fans, as well as the area’s disaffected Royals fans when I recommend the Eukennott Beatniks’ application to the CFCL.”

Can a ragtag ensemble of black beret and turtleneck wearing hipsters strike fear in the league’s other franchises? Will the CFCL even associate with the local nine? One thing is certain, this team would always do well On The Road.

The Elz and myself went out to draft a baseball team in lovely Chicago. It’s an annual migration for myself and given the events of the last two years, an annual migration for Elz as well.

Observations about Chicago:

1. Your lodging dollar goes a lot further in the suburbs than it will in downtown Chicago.
   1. Duh
   2. But, seriously, $99/night for the full business class traveler experience. I thought about loading up books from Project Gutenberg and printing them willy-nilly because free printing was an included room perk.
2. Holding the season opener at Wrigley is a rather silly idea.
3. The lynch pin of my draft strategy went for $8 more dollars than I had given myself as the strict upper limit for a player. This led to a messy draft that I don’t have sufficient preparation for to properly judge. It could either be a long year (most likely), a mediocre year (the best we can hope for), or the best team accidentally drafted (LOL).
4. Getting out of Chicago always takes longer than anticipated even though the expected crapular traffic on the Ryan never really materialized. Instead it was the Eisenhower that screwed us out of 45 minutes of our life

We continued on to Elizabeth, Pennsylvania for a few days of family-oriented frivolity. I wish I could say it was the most incredible experience of my life, but I wasn’t expecting that anyway. Instead I met some really nice folks who took me in with bemused arms and I learned a great deal about my newest infatuation—ham radio. I will be adding this to the stack of pursuits I already juggle, but have always wanted to do so. Having someone take me by the hand and show me around the block was exactly what I needed to get me off my ass.

On the trip out things got a bit silly as we ended up two and a half hours later than expected. The anxiety level in the car was increasing with every mile until we called a truce. Then Elz did the “raise the roof” gesture and said “raise the roof” in respect to something. I, on the other hand, thought she said “praise the roof” which both of us found to be incredibly more humorous. We then spent the remainder of that dark night on the back roads of southwest Pennsylvania running through various ramifications related to substituting the current monotheist deity of choice with the simple, humble, all-protecting roof. More on that later…

Really, lots more later… My UTS is really acting up with the two straight days of poor posture and driving with my elbows propped on door handles and center consoles. Still, wanted to say that we’re home safely and had a great trip. The Picts might just muddle through another year and avoid the cellar (we’ve posted anywhere between 3rd and 7th so far this week) so I consider the trip a success.

Also, the puppies are racked out on the bed after a hard week at the kennel and if I expect to get any space of my own I’m going to have to force my way in soon before positions become established.

While that might seem like a fair chunk of change, the league itself has been going since 1984. Your’s truly has been tasked with generating a logo worthy of commemorating this event. What does this say about the visual arts talent in the league?? Anyway, here‘s what I’ve been up to all morning.