The Same River.

Passive pony request

January 11th, 2012

EA: Do we want to use this value? Isn’t it excessive? Shouldn’t we be given a UI to change this value on a per client basis?

Dev: The value isn’t excessive. Some progress was made but we still need a long timeout.

EA: But if we need to change this value, we don’t have a UI to do that. Besides, isn’t it excessive? I thought we got this down to less than a minute.

CM: That value is a system value and should not be futzed with on a per install basis.

Dev: We still need a longer value. Progress has been made, but we aren’t in a position to support a shorter timeout.

EA: Okay. I’ll schedule a meeting to discuss why we need an interface to manage that value then.

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Fat bottom girls come together

January 9th, 2012

If you’re going to mash up the Beatles, or Queen, you better hope it is quality. If you’re going to mash them up together, it better be phenomenal. This attempt gets pretty close to the mark. There’s really only one awkward moment in what is otherwise a pretty snappy mashup. Pulling in video makes it doubleplusgood.

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More iChat fun

January 9th, 2012

It’s that kind of week already. Logged into iChat in case Elz was lurking and was immediately chatted up by awesomecoleyxo3 who is, allegedly, a 27F. I don’t remember that MOS but the Internet says that 27F is a Vulcan Repairer. So that’s cool, I guess. Anyway awesomecoleyxo3 might need some better off-duty hobbies.

Here is a transcript of our chat:

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: hey you

ME: Yo!

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: hey i’ve been sitting around sooo bored and figured i’d say hellooo.. hope i didn’t bother u

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: there is like no one around to talk to anymore…. 27.f here how bout u??

ME: Oooh. It’s that kind of chat!

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: ohh cool so whats up??

ME: Can you post some shady links and implore me to visit them?

ME: Still thinking?

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: well ii have an idea if u wanna have sum fun!!! i was gonna get on my cam and “unwind” a lil u should cum join ;-)

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: l joined this awesome sitethat is just like fb but w/o the annoying kidz.. wanna check it out???

ME: I see what you did there.

ME: Clever.

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: it only takes asecond to signup and it’s 100% free 2!!! http://badUrlHasBeenRemoved.com/ just click the ‘Join Free’ at the top of thepage

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: once you signup u’ll be allgood and u can join my private chat and tell me what 2 do ;)

ME: I think I’ll pass. Can we just chat?

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: ya you will need a card of sum kind but they wiII not charge u anything!!!!!

ME: What kind of card?

ME: And, really, I just want someone to talk to

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: i can not wait this is going to be sooo much fun… wait till u see what i’m wearing right now lol i think u’ll like it;)

ME: Cinnabon? Cuz I’m kind of hungry and didn’t have time to pick up some peanuts from the Kum ‘n’ Go on the way in to work this morning.

awesomecoleyxo3@aol.com: are u in hun??? i’m going to go get some “toys” but ill brb and hopefully u’ll be in when i get back hurry uppp

ME: Oooh…that hurts. Women should never ask “are you in hun?” because, well, that’s just plain demoralizing.

ME: Also, is your ‘P’ key sticky? My kitteh knocked over a glass of koolaid on my favorite keyboard last summer. No matter how many times I cleaned that keyboard some keys just stick. Especially in high humidity.

ME: Hey. Do you like the silent membrane keyboards they make today or are you more of the old school, buckling spring type?

ME: Because I loves me an M Series keyboard.

ME: They’re more resilient. And the tactile feedback lets you know you’re *typing*. Know what I mean? I really really like them.

ME: Hey. Are you there?

ME: Man….just like my ex. All fun up front but no follow through. Meh.

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For Elizabeth

January 6th, 2012

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?

A: Two in front and two in back

Q: What game do four elephants in a Mini play?

A: Squash

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?

A: Open the door, insert the elephant, close the door

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?

A: Open the door, take out the elephant, insert the giraffe, close the door

Q: The lion decided to have a party. All of the other animals showed up except for one. Which animal did not show up?

A: The giraffe because he was stuck in the fridge

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the fridge?

A: The door won’t close

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the fridge?

A: There will be one elephant waiting in the Mini

I freakin’ love elephant jokes!

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Random things

January 5th, 2012

Here are some random things that probably deserve their own posts but life has conspired against this.

  1. I walked in to the men’s room at $LOCAL_GROCER–a 1 and 1 set up. There was a pair of legs visible under the stall wall and the urinal was empty. The odd thing? The stall door was wide open and there was weird grunting coming from the other side of the wall. I did not tarry.
  2. The brewing room smells marvy what with a Belgian Wit, Nut Brown, and Gooseberry wine all burbling away.
  3. While WIX v3.6 is pretty much awesome when looked at from the perspective of WIX v3.0, it is still Windows Installer we’re dealing with. Which sucks.
  4. Being the mayor of places on Foursquare creates more obligations than one might expect. Well losing a mayorship makes one more inclined to visit a place than one might normally be. Why is it important to be mayor of the Bag ‘n’ Save? Especially when I cannot do anything about grunty open stall? I do not know.
  5. Rick Santorum headlines are pretty much always unintentionally funny these days.

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Gettin’ lucky

December 30th, 2011

Gettin’ Lucky in Council Tucky tshirts are going to be all the rage soon. I can feel it.

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Calling Nemo

December 30th, 2011

Is it pretty cool to listen to real-time underwater acoustic observation platforms? You bet it is!

Problems encountered

  1. Very few of the listening posts are currently active
  2. Some of the listening posts didn’t load in a timely fashion
  3. Godforsaken, stupid, Flash-only interface to whole damn site

But the site is probably bandwidth heavy and currently experiencing the Slashdot Effect.

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Callin’ Oates

December 21st, 2011

It’s clever. I cannot deny it ranks up with the Lionel Richie “Hello…” flyers in my mind.

Callin’ Oates.

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Gooseberry wine?

December 19th, 2011

Friday night we mixed up the second run of wine at Circle Bar Winery. Into the fermenter went:

  • 96 ounces of gooseberries
  • 4 gallons of water
  • 12 pounds of cane sugar
  • 1.5 teaspoons of acid blend
  • 4 teaspoons of yeast nutrient
  • 2 teaspoons of pectin enzyme
  • 1/2 teaspoon of tanin
  • 4 crushed Campden tablets

Initially we put in 10 pounds of sugar but the specific gravity was a paltry 1.060. We wanted something a little more wine-like so decided to add another pound. Then we did a silly thing and threw in the twelfth pound too. That might make a 15% ABV wine. Yikes!

The plan for now is to rack it at 1.060 and then let it get down to about 1.030 or so. If we hit that target we will rack it again and add the potassium sorbate to halt the alcohol production. Hopefully we’ll end up with a flavorful, slightly sweet dessert wine that does not overpower with a high ABV.

Getting back to what we did. The must sat overnight and got up to pitching temperature. Saturday morning we pitched one packet of Red Star Pasteur Red active wine yeast. By tonight we’ve got some pretty high velocity fermentation going. I popped the lid to stir (suggested by the recipe…something I’m not sure we should be doing) and take a specific gravity reading. We’re down to 1.100 already. Looking to rack it Thursday or Friday night at this rate.

Initial readings

  • Mixed in fermenter: 16 December, 2011
  • Yeast pitched: 17 December, 2011
  • Must temperature: 72°F
  • OG: 1.111
  • Potential ABV: 15%

For completeness’ sake, here’s the full recipe:
96 ounce can of gooseberries
4 gallons water
12 lbs sugar
2 tsp Acid Blend
4 tsp Yeast Nutrient
2 tsp pectin enzyme
1/2 tsp tanin
4 crushed Campden tablets
1 packet wine yeast
2 1/2 tsp potasium sorbate

  1. Put gooseberries in muslin bag and tie off
  2. Add all ingredients except for the yeast and potassium sorbate to the fermenter and mix well
  3. Cover with damp cloth and let sit overnight (we’re just lidding the bucket with an airlock)
  4. The next day sprinkle yeast on top of the must and reseal bucket
  5. Check specific gravity of must daily and gently stir so as to not disturb lees
  6. When SG reaches 1.040 (we’re going to shoot for 1.060) strain fruit bag and rack to carboy
  7. Rack again when SG reaches 1.030 and add potasium sorbate and four crushed Campden tablets
  8. After wine clears (2 – 3 months) bottle. Wine is drinkable at this point but could do with another 6 months or so in cellar before drinking.

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Personal growth

December 19th, 2011

Oh hooray! It’s annual review time! The time of year where we have to scramble to find a few uninterrupted hours in our busy days to fill out online forms telling folks how we think we did in the past year. How well we’ve fulfilled arbitrary goals measured with arbitrary metrics that, while relevant twelve months ago, correspond with the actual tasks assigned through the last year about as well as any astrological projection might.

One might come away with the impression that I am not an enthusiastic participant in this time suck masquerading as a guide to personal and professional growth. That would be a superficial understanding of the depth of feeling I have toward this activity. As a true team player, I am fully cognizant of the value this provides to the HR department. Generating fodder for various charts and graphs and glossy documents is a vital contribution I can make toward their livelihood. I always anticipate the needs of those around me and prioritize accordingly.

Especially gratifying are the spaces for comments on goals dealing with metrics that are to be provided to me by others. More so than that are those cases when my own self evaluation is flagged as late due to my priorities being driven not by HR or myself, but by my direct supervisor who at one point stated “don’t worry about being late, we have other priorities” and then followed that up with “we really need to get those evaluations in” the next day. Oddly, this coincides with a nastygram we received from HR.

So it is with modest pride that I present this request for metrics for a goal common to everyone in the organization which I am a member of, an organization that ostensibly has a very high completion rate given the tenor of the nastygram, yet cannot find any record of. The upshot being, I am under the impression that a large number of self evaluations were completed with a complete disregard for incident rates over the last year’s releases, and time to resolution for each of this issues. As an insightful, vigilant team player with an eye to continual, iterative optimization, I would like to point out that the review process might actually be completely fabricated by a large number of participants. As a team player who not only points out potential pitfalls but also proposes solutions, I suggest that perhaps we stop subscribing to this nifty personal development web service and just have managers provide continual feedback to their reports as to their job performance. This serves the dual objectives of cost cutting and empowering local decision makers.

I look forward to having the opportunity to make continued contributions in the coming year and striving to make $EMPLOYER the best organization in the known universe.

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